These Phrases given by My Parent That Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the truth quickly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her chief support in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a broader inability to open up amongst men, who still hold onto harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a show of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to ask for a pause - taking a short trip overseas, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, confide in a family member, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, altered how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."