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As a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership which continued for four years, but I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start seeing any man, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to have sex with other men once more.

Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy

Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous gay men have open relationships, but from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, often causing significant heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel a bit lost.

Each individual's sexual journey varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to tolerate various forms of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs in your current state could easily shift in the future; eventually you might become more decisive and discover greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. One day you could encounter a person who provides a transformative opportunity to you by reflecting what you want completely … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over the future and engaging in endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.